... and winter came

We always said Estella was a Summer child so it was obvious she wouldn't stay to see snow.
She was born in Seville, where oranges grow wild on the streets and all you can smell in the Spring is orange blossom. The day she came into the world was sunny, and warm. It was a massive thing as she was my parents' first grandchild and they had been working more than 25 years in the hospital she was born, she was everybody's child. Presents, flowers, embroided bibs, cards... you name it and she had two :)
We had 8 weeks of happiness, 11 days of future in uk, and then the diagnose, and then the choices. And we chose, I chose. To live Estella's life with a smile making each day count, to start writing a blog full of hope wishing for a miracle, to grab each second of her life and make it meaningful. In that way this blog was born as Estella, happy.
I remember in the hospital the jokes with the consultants "C... are you going to section me today?" because most people thought I was in denial as I wouldn't stop smiling, even once I had to explain that was my choice as I would have time to be sad for the rest of my life.
And one November afternoon the rest of my life arrived. Estella died in my arms while I said to her how much I loved her. 8 months 19 days of wisdom, happiness, goodness. And I learnt I don't have the rest of my life to be sad, I choose to keep on smiling to keep on going. The days of fighting for my daughter's life are over but not the days fighting for other kids' lives, and their families, and my own family. My parents who lost their only grandchild, my husband and myself.
I choose, as I did that time months ago, love and laughter to honour Estella's life and all she taught me, and, once again, there are dear friends who want to section me because they think I didn't come to terms with the lost.
I did and I choose not to loose the smile.
This blog doesn't intend to equal Tom's, he really can write, I'm just a mum trying to make sense of the nonsense of SMA.
And I believe we can win the war. I believe we can SMASH SMA. Maybe this deserves to get me sectioned, after all one of my favourite movies is One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

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